Saturday, November 24, 2007
i am caring less and less. i am giving up. i am not willing to push myself harder to try and maintain the results i used to get.
i will ignore it when people say that i will do terrifically well. i will not listen when they say i study alot, because only i know how much effort i put in.
i know i can push harder, not by spending more time studying, but by actually wanting to remember things. right now, i'm just lazy.
i will have to decide if i'm content with things this way. i loathe to set any targets for myself, for fear that if i fall short, i will lose the confidence i have in myself. so, i tell myself not to have any expectations, but i do anyway.
perhaps i started too early, so i'm bored to bits now, burnout they call it. it's pretty bad. not like i remember what i read ages ago anyway. ugh this is such a boring post its meant for my eyes only. to remind me a week later, that my will to get things done, is the most important factor.
so i will get through these 2 days and try my best to motivate myself, take the papers on monday and hope for the best, and start on a clean slate soon.
expectations, perfectionism, competitiveness, go to hell.
10:59:00 AM