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Friday, April 18, 2008
i've been requested to make an entry that isnt depressing or melancholy so here goes my attempt at the superficial. more for remembering that things do turn out okay, no matter how bad you think they will be, because we can never predict how things will turn out. which is why looking forward to things too much is bad, cuz there's a higher chance that you'll be let down. so two 8am-6pm days in the hospital have passed, punctuated by 2 hr lunch breaks that could've been longer just that we were pressured to be hardworking and clerk more patients. so many things i've heard from various consultants, registrars, m3s. probably the only thing that is common to the advice is that there's a long LONG way to go and we never stop learning. we never stop being the most junior pple in the ward, we never stop observing. some say that we're just starting out and we should go slow, get a feel of things. at the same time, we're told to do as much as we can, finish reading impossibly thick textbooks, and then read them again. so obviously theres the bare minimum we can do now to pass this course, and there's the other extreme of pushing the limits to set a good foundation. what i wish our mentor had told us is what is reasonable. what will make us knowledgeable enough to enter proper postings as useful contributors to the wards, yet keep us sane, considering that other people are starting their 4 month long holidays now and we should rightfully be having ours now too. then there's that apprehension about approaching patients, not knowing the right thing to say, because i admit that i'm not the outgoing sort. i'm gonna need more time and effort to get good at this, and i'm gonna need help with my chinese too haha. i've whined enough about this to some people, all that remains is to continue trying and developing a thicker skin. it's harder than you think to go up to a random stranger, who is in a foreign and scary place for him, and start probing for his most intimate details. i mean this both mentally and physically. everytime i sit and think that perhaps theres nothing intimidating about that, and that i have nothing to lose by just trying. the moment i'm approaching a patient though, i start to mildly panic. sure i can do it if i'm forced to, but i don't like it. worst of all, i hate that i don't like it. and so i try, i really do. the good thing is, i think it gets better every day. every day i manage to talk to someone i feel good about it. i feel good about remembering the small things that are important in talking to patients, and noticing small things like how the mother of a sick child is pregnant, or for picking up that a little girl who refused to say much actually had type I diabetes. important considering we nearly wanted to bring her a chocolate bar which would have put her right back into the ketoacidosis she was warded for. all these small things make me feel that i'm worthy of being in the wards, where we walk around with the power to talk to any patient we want and look at their files. baby steps in the long journey. then apart from the soft skills, theres the actual studying and learning of the thousand and one things. actually not thousand, but infinite, because we could spend a whole 24 hours talking about the examination, pathology and management of a patient, and still not be done. dr lau was right in repeatedly saying that medicine in interesting, because i think thats a gross understatement. 20 years down the road, i think i'll be like him still, saying in that awestruck voice that medicine is interesting, because it truly is. but the downside of that is that we have to know all that, and know it well to be able to do our job well. just 3 days and my stack of notecards has been filled by practically illegible scribblings that i'm supposed to read up on and write down properly, but obviously i havent due to the numerous other time fillers ie touch and mj and brain game and friends haha. already i'm morphing into more doctor-like material. don't laugh and say that its only been 3 days, how can i possibly change. wait till you survive more than 48 hours on 3 hours of sleep, and feel the pain in my feet from standing and walking all day. perhaps it will only get worse, but i'm glad simply because i dont dread it like i used to anymore. :) words to remember and laugh at: "GOD knows." "doesn't matter what you have" "the seed and the soil" "benign sexual headache" and "if you have it multiple times after that the pain goes away" "why are you all thrombosing the walkway" doesnt matter if these dont mean anything to you, just know that most doctors are quirky with a strange sense of humour and several pet phrases and habits. ahh it's like being pushed into the deep end of the ocean with scuba diving gear and no license. first you flounder and struggle to master the equipment but if you finally get it you look around and discover the colourful and unexplored marine life below. sure theres the risk of drowning but ur generally safer than you think and the view might just be worth it. 8:29:00 PM
Friday, April 18, 2008
i've been requested to make an entry that isnt depressing or melancholy so here goes my attempt at the superficial. more for remembering that things do turn out okay, no matter how bad you think they will be, because we can never predict how things will turn out. which is why looking forward to things too much is bad, cuz there's a higher chance that you'll be let down. so two 8am-6pm days in the hospital have passed, punctuated by 2 hr lunch breaks that could've been longer just that we were pressured to be hardworking and clerk more patients. so many things i've heard from various consultants, registrars, m3s. probably the only thing that is common to the advice is that there's a long LONG way to go and we never stop learning. we never stop being the most junior pple in the ward, we never stop observing. some say that we're just starting out and we should go slow, get a feel of things. at the same time, we're told to do as much as we can, finish reading impossibly thick textbooks, and then read them again. so obviously theres the bare minimum we can do now to pass this course, and there's the other extreme of pushing the limits to set a good foundation. what i wish our mentor had told us is what is reasonable. what will make us knowledgeable enough to enter proper postings as useful contributors to the wards, yet keep us sane, considering that other people are starting their 4 month long holidays now and we should rightfully be having ours now too. then there's that apprehension about approaching patients, not knowing the right thing to say, because i admit that i'm not the outgoing sort. i'm gonna need more time and effort to get good at this, and i'm gonna need help with my chinese too haha. i've whined enough about this to some people, all that remains is to continue trying and developing a thicker skin. it's harder than you think to go up to a random stranger, who is in a foreign and scary place for him, and start probing for his most intimate details. i mean this both mentally and physically. everytime i sit and think that perhaps theres nothing intimidating about that, and that i have nothing to lose by just trying. the moment i'm approaching a patient though, i start to mildly panic. sure i can do it if i'm forced to, but i don't like it. worst of all, i hate that i don't like it. and so i try, i really do. the good thing is, i think it gets better every day. every day i manage to talk to someone i feel good about it. i feel good about remembering the small things that are important in talking to patients, and noticing small things like how the mother of a sick child is pregnant, or for picking up that a little girl who refused to say much actually had type I diabetes. important considering we nearly wanted to bring her a chocolate bar which would have put her right back into the ketoacidosis she was warded for. all these small things make me feel that i'm worthy of being in the wards, where we walk around with the power to talk to any patient we want and look at their files. baby steps in the long journey. then apart from the soft skills, theres the actual studying and learning of the thousand and one things. actually not thousand, but infinite, because we could spend a whole 24 hours talking about the examination, pathology and management of a patient, and still not be done. dr lau was right in repeatedly saying that medicine in interesting, because i think thats a gross understatement. 20 years down the road, i think i'll be like him still, saying in that awestruck voice that medicine is interesting, because it truly is. but the downside of that is that we have to know all that, and know it well to be able to do our job well. just 3 days and my stack of notecards has been filled by practically illegible scribblings that i'm supposed to read up on and write down properly, but obviously i havent due to the numerous other time fillers ie touch and mj and brain game and friends haha. already i'm morphing into more doctor-like material. don't laugh and say that its only been 3 days, how can i possibly change. wait till you survive more than 48 hours on 3 hours of sleep, and feel the pain in my feet from standing and walking all day. perhaps it will only get worse, but i'm glad simply because i dont dread it like i used to anymore. :) words to remember and laugh at: "GOD knows." "doesn't matter what you have" "the seed and the soil" "benign sexual headache" and "if you have it multiple times after that the pain goes away" "why are you all thrombosing the walkway" doesnt matter if these dont mean anything to you, just know that most doctors are quirky with a strange sense of humour and several pet phrases and habits. ahh it's like being pushed into the deep end of the ocean with scuba diving gear and no license. first you flounder and struggle to master the equipment but if you finally get it you look around and discover the colourful and unexplored marine life below. sure theres the risk of drowning but ur generally safer than you think and the view might just be worth it.
this is me.
kimberley.
defined by the medicine she studies, the touch rugby she plays, and the friends and family that she loves.
my heart's content.
+ travelling (feasible: bangkok, realistic: america, europe, south africa, idealistic: arctic)
+ i'll think of more when its not 6am in the morning.
people.
tell me.
credit where credit's due.
Blogskin created by Eclair-x.
Base codings and inspiration courtesy of Hilary, from her skin take to the sky.
Picture belongs to muszka of Devianart, added, by eclair-x, with thinking bubble and text.
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