tis true, i am different this year. yeah we all go through changes, maybe its only normal and i'm just more perceptive now to notice these changes. today i realised that it's gonna be a new year soon, its probably too soon to start reflecting on this year, but who cares right.

it feels like a long year, so long that south africa at the start of the year doesnt feel like it belongs in this year at all, if you get what i mean. so began the series of eye-opening trips and experiences that have culminated in this post.

world cup. sobering, enlightening, saddening, i'm glad i had the chance to go. touch confidence was at its lowest ever. in retrospect, i think i never did really ENJOY the trip. sure it was fantastic and great fun, but i regret not letting every single day there have its full impact on me. most of the time, i just wanted to see what else was on offer to me, never stopping to enjoy that moment, that particular place. there's something i need to learn even now, i'm looking forward to that change.

1st professional mbbs exams. came and went, i made it through unscathed. better than that even, and it reassured me that i was settling in well in medicine. problem is, i dont want to settle for anything less now, and sometimes the pressure gets to me. that's one thing i doubt will ever change.

eurotrip. set foot in that continent for the first time in my life, and i have to say it was amazing. i tried things that i have never done before, and i dont regret a single thing. i think i lightened up on the trip, showed more of who i really am.

touch. leadership beckoned, and i've never been particularly attracted to it. but still, with some persuasion i decided to just try. this is what i would call stepping out of my comfort zone, and right from the start i wasnt comfortable. countless times i dreaded training, something i've never had to do. trying to be more assertive, more vocal, more fierce, all while protesting i just couldnt do it, whining about it, generally kicking up a fuss. i agreed to things that i didnt want to agree to, and its made me a better person. as a player, i think i reached new heights. didnt need people to tell me that i was playing better than i've ever played before. it's been good, but too much, right now i just want a good long break.

love. i've never been public about my feelings, i'm not likely to start now. i figure if you even care to know about what my feelings are on this aspect of my life, you'd already know what they are. if i wrote here i'd probably be too cryptic anyway.

moving away from specifics, i'd go so far as to say that not only have i grown this year, i'm blossoming as well. in a way. not so much looking better or whatever, but discovering what works for me, being more comfortable in my own skin. i found out things about myself i never knew about, or just didnt allow myself to realise. it's good to feel that its an ongoing process, my prime awaits.

i'm thankful to those that have made these changes possible, helped me along the way, whether knowingly or unknowingly. i'm sorry to those that have had to bear the brunt of the transition, for my indecision and my needs. i need this time to take off and soar, please do help me.

as i write this, i am neither optimistic nor pessimistic, i just am. what i was at the start of the year, isn't exactly the same as what i am now. despite all the downs, this year's been good to the me as a developing and independent individual. which is good, because i stand alone.

3:11:00 AM

tis true, i am different this year. yeah we all go through changes, maybe its only normal and i'm just more perceptive now to notice these changes. today i realised that it's gonna be a new year soon, its probably too soon to start reflecting on this year, but who cares right.

it feels like a long year, so long that south africa at the start of the year doesnt feel like it belongs in this year at all, if you get what i mean. so began the series of eye-opening trips and experiences that have culminated in this post.

world cup. sobering, enlightening, saddening, i'm glad i had the chance to go. touch confidence was at its lowest ever. in retrospect, i think i never did really ENJOY the trip. sure it was fantastic and great fun, but i regret not letting every single day there have its full impact on me. most of the time, i just wanted to see what else was on offer to me, never stopping to enjoy that moment, that particular place. there's something i need to learn even now, i'm looking forward to that change.

1st professional mbbs exams. came and went, i made it through unscathed. better than that even, and it reassured me that i was settling in well in medicine. problem is, i dont want to settle for anything less now, and sometimes the pressure gets to me. that's one thing i doubt will ever change.

eurotrip. set foot in that continent for the first time in my life, and i have to say it was amazing. i tried things that i have never done before, and i dont regret a single thing. i think i lightened up on the trip, showed more of who i really am.

touch. leadership beckoned, and i've never been particularly attracted to it. but still, with some persuasion i decided to just try. this is what i would call stepping out of my comfort zone, and right from the start i wasnt comfortable. countless times i dreaded training, something i've never had to do. trying to be more assertive, more vocal, more fierce, all while protesting i just couldnt do it, whining about it, generally kicking up a fuss. i agreed to things that i didnt want to agree to, and its made me a better person. as a player, i think i reached new heights. didnt need people to tell me that i was playing better than i've ever played before. it's been good, but too much, right now i just want a good long break.

love. i've never been public about my feelings, i'm not likely to start now. i figure if you even care to know about what my feelings are on this aspect of my life, you'd already know what they are. if i wrote here i'd probably be too cryptic anyway.

moving away from specifics, i'd go so far as to say that not only have i grown this year, i'm blossoming as well. in a way. not so much looking better or whatever, but discovering what works for me, being more comfortable in my own skin. i found out things about myself i never knew about, or just didnt allow myself to realise. it's good to feel that its an ongoing process, my prime awaits.

i'm thankful to those that have made these changes possible, helped me along the way, whether knowingly or unknowingly. i'm sorry to those that have had to bear the brunt of the transition, for my indecision and my needs. i need this time to take off and soar, please do help me.

as i write this, i am neither optimistic nor pessimistic, i just am. what i was at the start of the year, isn't exactly the same as what i am now. despite all the downs, this year's been good to the me as a developing and independent individual. which is good, because i stand alone.

3:11:00 AM
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