Monday, October 29, 2007
and while i'm in the mood (and because studying is killing me), bits of whats been going on.
everybody loves fifi huh.
the successful nus touch carnival 2007 FINALLY.
and ages ago, my birthday.
MAF 2007
self explanatory.
and bangkok.
wayyy before: DnD 2007
a little happy song, bubbling with hope.
my head is a box full of nothing
and that's the way i like it
my garden's a secret compartment
and that's the way i like it
so please
baby please
open your heart
catch my disease.
10:36:00 PM
Sunday, October 28, 2007
damn pride.
it stops us from doing what we really want to, from showing how we truly feel. because if you risk opening yourself up to people, you become very vulnerable. and should that vulnerability result in you losing what you have, at least you still have that shred of dignity left. but what's that worth? maybe from the outside, people can't tell how much you've been affected, but deep down, the facade does zilch to alleviate the pain.
and so we go about our own thing, and even if it hurts inside, we don't reach out to those around us for help. not because we know they won't care, but because of this damned pride and inertia. maybe also the fact that sometimes not everyone can help, no matter how much they want to.
i havent done this for ages, not for the lack of things happening, because my world has seen quantum shifts of late. lifes been a roller coaster, sometimes i wanna get off and get on steady ground but something keeps me hanging in there for dear life.
i hate the way i've been feeling recently. sometimes everything is alright and life seems complete and sometimes i'm so angry i need someone to blame for it all. i suspect thats not a very abnormal thing for people, to experience changes in moods, but then if thats the case, why do i feel so alone in this.
and in the lousy states, i veer between feeling sad, then angry with people, then angry at myself for kicking up such a fuss when its really NO BIG DEAL. right now i'm in the angry phase and i just want to type out all the vulgarities but then i know theres no point because the next second i will just press backspace because i think i'm being overly dramatic. it's like i'm psycho or something but then i know i'm not because no real psycho thinks that they are.
i believe i sound quite unbalanced though, maybe confused, but tmr i will go to school and everything will be as it normally is, i will smile and laugh and today might be forgotten.
problem is, there are more "today"s than i would like, and even though i've for a moment relinquished my pride in these few paragraphs, in hope that they may be prevented, the truth is: NO ONE CAN DO A THING TO STOP IT. or they could, but either they dont know, cant help, or just dont care enough.
so i dont know why i even whine.
cause you wrote my name across your hand
when i freak you understand
there is not a thing you miss
and i could get used to this.
i'm feeling it comin over me
with you it all comes naturally
lost the reflex to resist
and i could get used to this.
i want this.
6:19:00 PM