the loss that was not meant to be.
but to say that we deserved to win doesnt quite cut it either. numerous analyses gave rise to a thousand and one excuses (though i'd prefer to use the word reasons) that can never explain exactly what went wrong yesterday. perhaps too many factors, mixed in those we choose not to believe or say simply because they hurt too much to be spelled out in black and white.

personally i could fault my lack of stamina, stomach pains, lack of confidence, wrong attitude or even the unbearably hot weather, but i think i'll never know exactly what went wrong. in terms of the team i can point out our lack of speed, lack of training together, or the inability to adapt to the different style of defense which crumbled our runs and broke our morale. there are yet other things i dare not point out, faults in my team as well as myself. devon said that the team performed as well as he'd expect us to. the complacent, lacklustre side of me nods in agreement to that, willing to lie down and admit that we just couldnt have won.

the defensive, resilient and stubborn side of me refuses to though. it says that given a little change in the circumstances, given a second chance, we would have made a better showing. i like that this proud side of me seems to be winning out.

and i think it showed during the game, that the stronger side of me is starting to grow up. where i once would have given up in half the time, i put in even more. that is not to say i didnt entertain thoughts of wanting to end the game as soon as possible even though we were losing. i am embarrassed to admit that. the heat intensifies all the pain and exhaustion and brings out nausea and throbbing headaches, all of which made me want to give up. which i think i did, to a certain extent after awhile, because it all just seemed pointless. but then that stubborn side wanted to at least score a couple more, to prove my team's worth.

the sickening part however, was that nothing seemed to work, everything we tried was a blur. i remember just giving a long pass out to the wing (which was quite nice if i say so myself haha) and then running off for a sub because i couldnt take it anymore. one point of amusement, even when there wasnt supposed to be anything amusing, was when i turned and saw practically all my teammates crouched on the ground panting and trying to recover sufficiently to sub in again. okay so it wasnt exactly amusement, but rather a strange sense of belonging, a kind of "we're all in this crap together" sort of feeling, which for a brief moment at least, felt good.

then there was a long discussion with meph afterwards about touch in general, the world cup and what it did to us as players. it's comforting to know that i wasnt the only one feeling that way. i'm glad for team NUS though. it's brought me back to where i thought i'd never be again, shown me what i can do, and opened my eyes to the potential within.

oh yes, if given the chance again, i'd like to do better.

the loss that was not meant to be.
but to say that we deserved to win doesnt quite cut it either. numerous analyses gave rise to a thousand and one excuses (though i'd prefer to use the word reasons) that can never explain exactly what went wrong yesterday. perhaps too many factors, mixed in those we choose not to believe or say simply because they hurt too much to be spelled out in black and white.

personally i could fault my lack of stamina, stomach pains, lack of confidence, wrong attitude or even the unbearably hot weather, but i think i'll never know exactly what went wrong. in terms of the team i can point out our lack of speed, lack of training together, or the inability to adapt to the different style of defense which crumbled our runs and broke our morale. there are yet other things i dare not point out, faults in my team as well as myself. devon said that the team performed as well as he'd expect us to. the complacent, lacklustre side of me nods in agreement to that, willing to lie down and admit that we just couldnt have won.

the defensive, resilient and stubborn side of me refuses to though. it says that given a little change in the circumstances, given a second chance, we would have made a better showing. i like that this proud side of me seems to be winning out.

and i think it showed during the game, that the stronger side of me is starting to grow up. where i once would have given up in half the time, i put in even more. that is not to say i didnt entertain thoughts of wanting to end the game as soon as possible even though we were losing. i am embarrassed to admit that. the heat intensifies all the pain and exhaustion and brings out nausea and throbbing headaches, all of which made me want to give up. which i think i did, to a certain extent after awhile, because it all just seemed pointless. but then that stubborn side wanted to at least score a couple more, to prove my team's worth.

the sickening part however, was that nothing seemed to work, everything we tried was a blur. i remember just giving a long pass out to the wing (which was quite nice if i say so myself haha) and then running off for a sub because i couldnt take it anymore. one point of amusement, even when there wasnt supposed to be anything amusing, was when i turned and saw practically all my teammates crouched on the ground panting and trying to recover sufficiently to sub in again. okay so it wasnt exactly amusement, but rather a strange sense of belonging, a kind of "we're all in this crap together" sort of feeling, which for a brief moment at least, felt good.

then there was a long discussion with meph afterwards about touch in general, the world cup and what it did to us as players. it's comforting to know that i wasnt the only one feeling that way. i'm glad for team NUS though. it's brought me back to where i thought i'd never be again, shown me what i can do, and opened my eyes to the potential within.

oh yes, if given the chance again, i'd like to do better.