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Friday, April 27, 2007
mambo last night was good fun. maybe cuz they moved rnb to velvet. which is so much bigger and less claustrophobic. but the sparkles of last night have begun to drift down and settle on the floor,mingling with the dusty remnants of the feelings i felt yesterday.long discussions regarding my feelings dont help very much. they leave me right where i started, with no conclusion, no resolution. but they are appreciated, because i know that people care enough to offer opinions. and that other people do actually feel the way i do too.i have a knack for ignoring my feelings, preferring to bury my head in a book and let the emotion pass. exactly the way i like to procrastinate in all the things i do. maybe not a very wise idea but it helps me settle down. not act upon a feeling which may go away in awhile. why stir up trouble in a nicely simmering cauldron?i am scared. scared of the future, scared of people around me, scared of my power i hold, scared of my power i lack. and i loathe to admit this. despite who i have around me to help, i still feel very much alone and helpless sometimes.i should learn to not let little things in life affect me. the ups and downs and nuances of life. situations and people flit in and out of each of our worlds, and they should not determine our state of happiness. so why i do still feel this way despite knowing how i SHOULD feel.maybe thats only human. maybe these episodes of uncertainty are to reinforce belief in the one thing that IS certain. i must learn to hold tight to that which is constant. please be my anchor.anw this post is not because i am feeling sad. well sort of but not the kind of sadness that makes you want to bawl and sob, but rather the quiet kind of heaviness that weighs you down and seeps into every corner of your body. more thoughtful and pensive than sad i guess.thats the strange thing about feelings too. they cant always be described in words. not the way that notes every little detail of the feeling, or the context, or the magnitude of it. and they dont come seperately, but in a potent cocktail. and the more you think about it the more the feeling changes. insight breeds a plethora of other related feelings.emo blog entries like this mean everything yet nothing.they tell of thoughts and feelings, yet the inadequacy of words to fully express things, and the fact that the mind moves quicker than the fingers can capture means that i am no closer to telling you the way i feel than i was before. maybe some things really just cannot be explained.
it's like song lyrics that dont seem to mean anything. i leave this open to interpretation. sophia, sophia, i'm burning, i'm burning it's a fire it's a fire i cannot put out. 1:55:00 AM
Friday, April 27, 2007
mambo last night was good fun. maybe cuz they moved rnb to velvet. which is so much bigger and less claustrophobic. but the sparkles of last night have begun to drift down and settle on the floor,mingling with the dusty remnants of the feelings i felt yesterday.long discussions regarding my feelings dont help very much. they leave me right where i started, with no conclusion, no resolution. but they are appreciated, because i know that people care enough to offer opinions. and that other people do actually feel the way i do too.i have a knack for ignoring my feelings, preferring to bury my head in a book and let the emotion pass. exactly the way i like to procrastinate in all the things i do. maybe not a very wise idea but it helps me settle down. not act upon a feeling which may go away in awhile. why stir up trouble in a nicely simmering cauldron?i am scared. scared of the future, scared of people around me, scared of my power i hold, scared of my power i lack. and i loathe to admit this. despite who i have around me to help, i still feel very much alone and helpless sometimes.i should learn to not let little things in life affect me. the ups and downs and nuances of life. situations and people flit in and out of each of our worlds, and they should not determine our state of happiness. so why i do still feel this way despite knowing how i SHOULD feel.maybe thats only human. maybe these episodes of uncertainty are to reinforce belief in the one thing that IS certain. i must learn to hold tight to that which is constant. please be my anchor.anw this post is not because i am feeling sad. well sort of but not the kind of sadness that makes you want to bawl and sob, but rather the quiet kind of heaviness that weighs you down and seeps into every corner of your body. more thoughtful and pensive than sad i guess.thats the strange thing about feelings too. they cant always be described in words. not the way that notes every little detail of the feeling, or the context, or the magnitude of it. and they dont come seperately, but in a potent cocktail. and the more you think about it the more the feeling changes. insight breeds a plethora of other related feelings.emo blog entries like this mean everything yet nothing.they tell of thoughts and feelings, yet the inadequacy of words to fully express things, and the fact that the mind moves quicker than the fingers can capture means that i am no closer to telling you the way i feel than i was before. maybe some things really just cannot be explained.
it's like song lyrics that dont seem to mean anything. i leave this open to interpretation. sophia, sophia, i'm burning, i'm burning it's a fire it's a fire i cannot put out.
this is me.
kimberley.
defined by the medicine she studies, the touch rugby she plays, and the friends and family that she loves.
my heart's content.
+ travelling (feasible: bangkok, realistic: america, europe, south africa, idealistic: arctic)
+ i'll think of more when its not 6am in the morning.
people.
tell me.
credit where credit's due.
Blogskin created by Eclair-x.
Base codings and inspiration courtesy of Hilary, from her skin take to the sky.
Picture belongs to muszka of Devianart, added, by eclair-x, with thinking bubble and text.
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